Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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