i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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