What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
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I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize