I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
