i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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