I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
