I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
