oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?