dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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