New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
