he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom