he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
