I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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