He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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