I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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