He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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