On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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