So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
