College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
