the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
