im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
