Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
