Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
