fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
