As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
