you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
