just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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