we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
