Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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