Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
