TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
