38 yer olds are good kisserssss
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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