Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
