I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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