I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
