a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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