3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
