WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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