I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
