Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
