Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
