I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
