12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
