I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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