So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
