I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
