Please, let me fuck your mom
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
