Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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