I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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