Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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