Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
