i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
