Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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