I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
