She is in my trunk
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
