I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
