I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
