So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
