omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
