Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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