Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
