My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
