In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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