the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
