At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
