you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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