Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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