what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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