If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
