mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
