I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize