Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
