There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
